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A donkey that had been running loose in Indiana for more than a week has been captured. The owner thanked animal-control officials, saying they saved his ass. Read More

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Season 5 of “The Crown” will feature an all-new cast. Queen Elizabeth will be played by Imelda Staunton; Prince Charles will be portrayed by Dominic West, and Duchess Camilla will be played by Keith Richards. Read More

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In Syria, three women were stoned for committing adultery. Our cultures are so different. Here in the U.S., people get stoned before they commit adultery. Read More

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On this day in 2010, Apollo astronaut Buzz Aldrin was voted off “Dancing With the Stars.” For some reason, on the moon he was much lighter on his feet. Read More

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April is Alcohol Awareness Month. According to the CDC, alcohol poisoning causes six deaths a day. Wow, it’s a miracle that I have any friends left! Read More

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According to the “National Enquirer,” J. Edgar Hoover led the plot to kill President Kennedy. The FBI denies it, but are we really supposed to take the word of the FBI over the “National Enquirer?!” Read More

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In London, Texas, a 41-year-old female English-teacher was arrested for having sex with a 16-year-old male student. Sadly, the boy was left with a broken heart and a dangling participle. Read More

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April is Alcohol Awareness Month. According to the CDC, alcohol poisoning causes six deaths a day. Wow, it’s a miracle that I have any friends left! Read More

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In London, Texas, a 41-year-old female English-teacher was arrested for having sex with a 16-year-old male student. She apparently wasn’t a very good English-teacher because the boy had bragged to friends that he was getting lain. Read More

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Happy Birthday to rapper MC Hammer. Last night, he was pulled over by police. Do you know why? It was stop Hammer time. Read More

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