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The world’s donkey population is threatened by Chinese drugmakers, who use donkey skin to make medicine. The good news is, it’s no skin off my ass. Read More

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“New Yorker” magazine writer and CNN legal-analyst Jeffrey Toobin has apologized for performing a lewd act on himself during a Zoom meeting. Incidentally, he had a bigger audience on Zoom than he had on CNN. Read More

FREE SHOW PREP! GET IT NOW! DON’T BE A MEATBALL!

On this day in 1876, Alexander Graham Bell made the first phone call to his assistant, Thomas Watson, saying: “This is Alex with important information about your car warranty.” Read More

FREE SHOW PREP! GET IT NOW! DON’T BE A DUNDERHEAD!

Legend has it that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland, but it’s not true. Historians say he was too drunk to drive. Read More

FREE SHOW PREP! GET IT NOW! DON’T BE A CLOD!

Legend has it that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland, but it’s not true. Historians say he was too drunk to drive. Read More

FREE SHOW PREP! GET IT NOW! DON’T BE A DUD!

On this day in 1876, Alexander Graham Bell made the first phone call to his assistant, Thomas Watson, saying: “This is Alex with important information about your car warranty.” Read More

FREE SHOW PREP! GET IT NOW! DON’T BE A JACKASS!

On this day in 1876, Alexander Graham Bell made the first phone call to his assistant, Thomas Watson, saying: “This is Alex with important information about your car warranty.” Read More

FREE SHOW PREP! GET IT NOW! DON’T BE A FOOL!

I also write speeches for all occasions. Read More

FREE SHOW PREP! GET IT NOW! DON’T BE A DOPE!

Today is Multiple Personality Day. I observe it every year, and so do I. Read More

FREE SHOW PREP! GET IT NOW! DON’T BE A BUTT-HEAD!

Today is Multiple Personality Day. I observe it every year, and so do I. Read More

FREE SHOW PREP! GET IT NOW! DON’T BE A DOLT!

At the Hidalgo International Bridge, border agents arrested two men and seized 308 pounds of cocaine. The good news is, Sunday night’s Academy Awards will go on anyway. Read More

FREE SHOW PREP! GET IT NOW! DON’T BE A DOPE!

Ukrainians are waiting eight hours to buy groceries—and that’s in the express line! Read More

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