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FREE SHOW PREP! GET IT NOW! DON’T BE A JACKASS!

On this day in 1876, Alexander Graham Bell made the first phone call to his assistant, Thomas Watson, saying: “This is Alex with important information about your car warranty.” Read More

FREE SHOW PREP! GET IT NOW! DON’T BE A FOOL!

I also write speeches for all occasions. Read More

FREE SHOW PREP! GET IT NOW! DON’T BE A DOPE!

Today is Multiple Personality Day. I observe it every year, and so do I. Read More

FREE SHOW PREP! GET IT NOW! DON’T BE A BUTT-HEAD!

Today is Multiple Personality Day. I observe it every year, and so do I. Read More

FREE SHOW PREP! GET IT NOW! DON’T BE A DOLT!

At the Hidalgo International Bridge, border agents arrested two men and seized 308 pounds of cocaine. The good news is, Sunday night’s Academy Awards will go on anyway. Read More

FREE SHOW PREP! GET IT NOW! DON’T BE A DOPE!

Ukrainians are waiting eight hours to buy groceries—and that’s in the express line! Read More

FREE SHOW PREP! GET IT NOW! DON’T BE A BIRDBRAIN!

Happy Birthday to Abby and Brittany Hensel, the world’s most famous conjoined-twins. The sisters were born in 1990, and 33 years later, they remain inseparable. Read More

FREE SHOW PREP! GET IT NOW! DON’T BE A MOOK!

“Great freelancer for all your comedy needs. Fast and efficient. Will hire again!” AMERICAN AF Read More

FREE SHOW PREP! GET IT NOW! DON’T BE A DUMBO!

“Prolific, proficient, and punctual!” AMERICAN AF Read More

FREE SHOW PREP! GET IT NOW! DON’T BE A DOUCHEBAG!

Happy Birthday to “Funky Cold Medina” rapper Tone Loc. I don’t want to say he’s getting old, but he has a new song called “Funky Cold Metamucil.” Read More

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