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In Hong Kong, An An, the world’s oldest male giant-panda, has died at age 35. Zookeepers deny that the panda was abused, despite his two black eyes. Read More

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In Brooksville, Florida, a 28-year-old man was arrested for performing a lewd act on himself in a cemetery. Psychologists say everyone grieves differently. Read More

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An extreme heat-wave has gripped much of Europe. It’s so hot in England, Prince Andrew is asking underage girls what they would do for a Klondike Bar. Read More

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In India, police arrested a robber who had 7,000 rupees hidden in his rectum. He said he didn’t want his mouth to write a check his ass couldn’t cash. Read More

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In England, a 74-year-old man was arrested after he was caught in a church having sex with a vacuum cleaner. He said the relationship was purely physical; he didn’t want any attachments. Read More

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A 96-year-old Florida woman has finally received her college diploma. She said it’s a miracle because she didn’t expect to survive Spring Break. Read More

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The economy is getting worse. To give you an idea how bad it is, last night I saw a Mafia family eating at the Olive Garden. Read More

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According to the UN, the world population is growing at its slowest rate since 1950. It’s hard to imagine how slowly it would be growing without Elon Musk! Read More

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According to the UN, the world population is growing at its slowest rate since 1950. It’s hard to imagine how slowly it would be growing without Elon Musk! Read More

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This week, the city of Pamplona, Spain, is hosting the Running of the Bulls. Or as the bulls call it: the “Chasing of the Jackasses.” Read More

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