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Happy Birthday to Elton John. I don’t want to say he’s getting old, but he has a new song called: “Someone Saved My Life Tonight, Thanks to Life Alert.” Read More

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Happy Birthday to rapper Salt, of Salt-N-Pepa, who is 58. Obviously, “Salt” is a stage name. Her real name is “Sodium Chloride.” Read More

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Happy Birthday to actor Warren Beatty, who is 87. According to his biography, before marrying Annette Bening, he bedded 12,775 beauties—and also Carly Simon. Read More

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Legend has it that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland, but it’s not true. Historians say he was too drunk to drive. Read More

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Congratulations to Russian President Vladimir Putin, who has been re-elected with 120% of the vote. Read More

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Happy Birthday to Elton John. I don’t want to say he’s getting old, but he has a new song called: “Someone Saved My Life Tonight, Thanks to Life Alert.” Read More

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Happy Birthday to rapper Ja Rule. Tonight he’ll be celebrating with his brother, Infield Fly Rule. Read More

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The 96th Academy Awards are tonight, but because of the bad economy, the traditional Oscar statuettes are being replaced with old bowling-trophies. Read More

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Happy Birthday to Mike Love of the Beach Boys. I don’t want to say he’s getting old, but he and the band have a new song called “Help Me, Rhonda, I’ve Fallen, and I Can’t Get Up!” Read More

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Legend has it that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland, but it’s not true. Historians say he was too drunk to drive. Read More

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